Jason Dean. Quintessential 80s anti-hero. I was almost disappointed when Veronica finally took the high road. They made such a sweet couple, didn't they? JD was so sensitive to both her needs and her limits. And before you get all soapboxy about the Drain-o and the Ich Luge bullets, answer me this: What else is any good boyfriend supposed to do when his girl is feeling melancholy about her choice in friends? None of those Heathers, nor Kurt, nor Ram, was going to sit down for a heart-to-heart with the trenchcoat maverick who brandished a gun on his very first day of school. Popular kids tend to frown on that sort of roguery ... it doesn't exactly scream "pick me for your kickball team."
But, in true 80s fashion, JD remained resourceful (okay, maniacally hell-bent, but whatever) on banishing all conflict from the life of the woman he loved. He simply used the tools at his disposal: The current trend in teenage self-offing (all the rage), his extensive knowledge of explosives (family business), and that irresistable urge all young adults have struggled with since the beginning of time to randomly sign petitions (???). And let's face it ... Veronica - the smartest Heather of the bunch - appreciated JD's unyeilding cleverness whether she wanted to admit it or not. And can you blame her?Who but JD would think to use a barbie doll to hang his girlfriend in effigy, painting over what would have been a brute threat with that subtly ironic brush meant to stir her memory of what really brought them together in the first place? Who but JD could rescue his love from a sinister double-date night on the farm with an outstretched hand and the phrase I swore for the longest time I'd have inscribed on my wedding ring: Our love is God ... Let's go get a Slushie.
If you need further convincing (Really? What's your damage?), I believe Heathers is still on Netflix. Rewatch. It'll be very.